it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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