how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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