Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
