if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She announced her abortion via fbk
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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