Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
