matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
