the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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