the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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