Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize