Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
