I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
