nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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