I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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