I wish I could punch you in the face.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
