to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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