you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Is it because I queefed?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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