We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
