these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
