TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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