First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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