Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
