matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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