I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
