i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
