He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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