Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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