so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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