I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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