um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
