Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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