Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Drunk is not a location!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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