You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
