Pants 0. Shit 1.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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