Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
