yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
