so let's talk penis.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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