Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
