ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
