dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
