we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
