I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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