When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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