I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize