it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
