He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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