I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
