Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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