you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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