You're completely useless in the revolution.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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