I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
