if only i could text you this smell
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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