i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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