woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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