idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize