my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
