Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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