Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
