i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
