Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
