Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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