did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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