Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize