You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
