What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
