There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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