Yo dont text me then not text me
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
