I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
this is an emotional support booty call
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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