Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize