is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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