Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
