i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
Itโs a good thing Iโm the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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