I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
