i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
