Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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