You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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