the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
