I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
