i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
