I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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