Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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