At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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