I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize