You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
