just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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