yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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