wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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